Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
