Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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