i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
