I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
