This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
