is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
