so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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