Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
