So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
