I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
