how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have post one night stand depression
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
