OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so let's talk penis.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
