Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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