oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
