Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
