Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
