yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
