Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
