fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
