we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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