where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
