What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
