I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
