another moral hangover. fuck.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
