Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
