I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
