I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
