Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
