So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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