wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
