I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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