I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
