He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
