Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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