I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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