Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(224): View more from Illinois

Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

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(727): View more from Florida

i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.

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(757): View more from Virginia

You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.

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(520): View more from Arizona

How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian

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(260): View more from Indiana

After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis

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