It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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