If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
