you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
