I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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