Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
