I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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