I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
