Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
