Michael Bay diarrhea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
