my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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