i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
