The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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