i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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