Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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