Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would ride that face into the sunset
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
